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Steven Wright
Puzzles
Quotes
Which one of these four quotes is attributed to Steven Wright?
→ No problem is insoluble given a big enough plastic bag.
→ If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
→ How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterward.
→ Our oceans are getting so polluted, the other day I caught a tuna fish that was already packed in oil.
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Pick the quote attributed to Steven Wright.
→ Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
→ Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.
→ My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.
→ I talk to myself a lot; that bothers some people because I use a megaphone.
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Select the quotation attributed to Steven Wright.
→ So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it.
→ You have to dream before your dreams can come true.
→ The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
→ You're never fully dressed without a smile.
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One of these may be attributed to Steven Wright. Which one?
→ A hundred men may make an encampment, but it takes a woman to make a home.
→ Every man needs two women, a quiet home-maker, and a thrilling nymph.
→ Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.
→ My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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Which one of these belongs to Steven Wright?
→ A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
→ I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
→ I had my coat hangers spayed.
→ Hermits have no peer pressure.
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Can you identify the right quote belonging to Steven Wright?
→ They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.
→ I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
→ My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It’s in the apartment somewhere.
→ Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
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Guess which of these quotes is attributed to Steven Wright.
→ Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
→ There is no substitute for hard work.
→ Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.
→ Trust no friend without faults, and love a woman, but no angel.
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One of the following quotations belongs to Steven Wright. Which one?
→ A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
→ My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It’s in the apartment somewhere.
→ If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.
→ Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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Can you guess which one of these belongs to Steven Wright?
→ Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
→ I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
→ I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.
→ The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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Try to identify the quote attributed to Steven Wright.
→ I just have a relationship with my imagination. It’s like my friend, almost.
→ I xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.
→ I had a friend who was a clown and when he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
→ I had my coat hangers spayed.
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Looks like Steven Wright is the author of one of these.
→ For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
→ It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there; hunters would be all confused.
→ I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.
→ Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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Pick the one quotation belonging to Steven Wright.
→ Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
→ A scout is a boy who dresses like a schmuck. A scoutmaster is a schmuck who dresses like a boy.
→ My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It’s in the apartment somewhere.
→ Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You’d see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!
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Which one should be attributed to Steven Wright?
→ Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
→ I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don’t.
→ Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You’d see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!
→ After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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Can you identify which quote belongs to Steven Wright?
→ Until Eve arrived, this was a man's world.
→ They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.
→ At one point he decided enough was enough.
→ The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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Select the quote belonging to Steven Wright.
→ The only way to support a revolution is to make your own.
→ Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
→ There are better things in life than alcohol, but alcohol makes up for not having them.
→ The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.
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Choose which quotation belongs to Steven Wright.
→ The only way to support a revolution is to make your own.
→ I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don’t accidentally walk through into another dimension.
→ Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
→ I invented the cordless extension cord.
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Select the quote, which is attributable to Steven Wright.
→ There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
→ Never criticize a man who buys ink by the barrel.
→ Give someone half a page in a newspaper and they think they own the world.
→ On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Identify the quotation belonging to Steven Wright?
→ If you play with anything long enough, it will break.
→ A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
→ I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.
→ Women call it stalking. It's just selective walking.
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One of the following quotes belongs to Steven Wright. Pick one.
→ Turn your obstacles into opportunities and your problems into possibilities.
→ It's all right to hold a conversation, but you should let go of it now and then.
→ The great improvement of the radio over the telephone is that it may be turned off without offending the speaker.
→ If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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Guess the right quote, which belongs to Steven Wright.
→ It's all right to hold a conversation, but you should let go of it now and then.
→ If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
→ Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
→ For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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Which one of these four quotes is attributed to Steven Wright?
→ It's good to explore your darkness.
→ The great improvement of the radio over the telephone is that it may be turned off without offending the speaker.
→ Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
→ I just have a relationship with my imagination. It’s like my friend, almost.
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Pick the quote attributed to Steven Wright.
→ I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
→ Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
→ They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.
→ A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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Select the quotation attributed to Steven Wright.
→ If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it.
→ If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
→ Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
→ For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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One of these may be attributed to Steven Wright. Which one?
→ I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
→ Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
→ I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don’t.
→ Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
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Which one of these belongs to Steven Wright?
→ They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.
→ I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
→ My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.
→ My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It’s in the apartment somewhere.
[ Click here to find out ]
Can you identify the right quote belonging to Steven Wright?
→ It's good to explore your darkness.
→ If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
→ If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
→ Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
[ Click here to find out ]
Guess which of these quotes is attributed to Steven Wright.
→ The great improvement of the radio over the telephone is that it may be turned off without offending the speaker.
→ If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
→ Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
→ I just have a relationship with my imagination. It’s like my friend, almost.
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One of the following quotations belongs to Steven Wright. Which one?
→ I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
→ Respect other people's feelings. It might mean nothing to you, but it could mean everything to them.
→ Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.
→ Sometimes it's a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence.
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Can you guess which one of these belongs to Steven Wright?
→ Her grandmother, as she gets older, is not fading but rather becoming more concentrated.
→ Risk comes from not knowing what you’re doing.
→ I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
→ Reality isn't the way you wish things to be, nor the way they appear to be, but the way they actually are.
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Try to identify the quote attributed to Steven Wright.
→ Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out.
→ I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.
→ I've always found paranoia to be a perfectly defensible position.
→ The last refuge of the insomniac is a sense of superiority to the sleeping world.
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Looks like Steven Wright is the author of one of these.
→ I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
→ A minute of perfection was worth the effort. A moment was the most you could ever expect from perfection.
→ Cleaning, like seduction, should be done from the top down — starting with the ceiling, which is ridiculous. Gravity takes care of that.
→ It’s a very boring time. I am not particularly maternal — it’s an occupational hazard of being a wife.
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Pick the one quotation belonging to Steven Wright.
→ Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
→ I think happiness is what makes you pretty. Period. Happy people are beautiful. They become like a mirror and they reflect that happiness.
→ When you are living the best version of yourself, you inspire others to live the best versions of themselves.
→ The tears of the world are a constant quality. For each one who begins to weep, somewhere else another stops. The same is true of the laugh.
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Which one should be attributed to Steven Wright?
→ I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
→ I have a fax machine with “fax waiting.”
→ Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
→ The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
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Can you identify which quote belongs to Steven Wright?
→ I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don’t accidentally walk through into another dimension.
→ I invented the cordless extension cord.
→ My doctor tells me I should start slowing it down -- but there are more old drunks than there are old doctors so let's all have another round.
→ Opportunities come infrequently. When it rains gold, put out the bucket, not the thimble.
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Select the quote belonging to Steven Wright.
→ I had a friend who was a clown and when he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
→ Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
→ I had my coat hangers spayed.
→ Hermits have no peer pressure.
[ Click here to find out ]
Choose which quotation belongs to Steven Wright.
→ Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
→ I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it.
→ I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don’t.
→ After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
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Select the quote, which is attributable to Steven Wright.
→ A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
→ At one point he decided enough was enough.
→ Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
→ Hermits have no peer pressure.
[ Click here to find out ]
Identify the quotation belonging to Steven Wright?
→ At one point he decided enough was enough.
→ Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
→ The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
→ Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You’d see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!
[ Click here to find out ]
One of the following quotes belongs to Steven Wright. Pick one.
→ It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there; hunters would be all confused.
→ Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
→ If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.
→ I had a friend who was a clown and when he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
[ Click here to find out ]
Guess the right quote, which belongs to Steven Wright.
→ I xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.
→ I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it.
→ Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
→ Hermits have no peer pressure.
[ Click here to find out ]
Which one of these four quotes is attributed to Steven Wright?
→ I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
→ It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there; hunters would be all confused.
→ I had my coat hangers spayed.
→ The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
[ Click here to find out ]
Pick the quote attributed to Steven Wright.
→ My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.
→ At one point he decided enough was enough.
→ I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it.
→ I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.
[ Click here to find out ]
Select the quotation attributed to Steven Wright.
→ I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
→ I have a fax machine with “fax waiting.”
→ I xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.
→ After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
[ Click here to find out ]
One of these may be attributed to Steven Wright. Which one?
→ I have a fax machine with “fax waiting.”
→ My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.
→ I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don’t.
→ After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
[ Click here to find out ]
Which one of these belongs to Steven Wright?
→ I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
→ I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.
→ Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
→ The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
[ Click here to find out ]
Can you identify the right quote belonging to Steven Wright?
→ I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
→ It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there; hunters would be all confused.
→ I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it.
→ Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You’d see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!
[ Click here to find out ]
Guess which of these quotes is attributed to Steven Wright.
→ I have a fax machine with “fax waiting.”
→ I xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.
→ If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.
→ I had a friend who was a clown and when he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
[ Click here to find out ]